why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Every concussion has its silver lining
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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