So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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