My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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