and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
