life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
