I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
