we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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