she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
tonight lets celebrate not being married
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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