it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I have aggressive nipples.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize