i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
