The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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