Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
