The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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