I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
