Having a random hookup so left but love u
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
