There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
