Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize