i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
