these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
