I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
