If i come over, it means nothing
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
