if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
