don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
