My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
