I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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