So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
