mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
