Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
