If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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