I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
