i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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