shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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