Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
