the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
