You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
