I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
