im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
