they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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