No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
