I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
