What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
