All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
