Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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