She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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