This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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