I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
