i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
