Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
