She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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