If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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