I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
