would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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