how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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