I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
