I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
