I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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