i permit you to call me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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