I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I wish I only lived at night.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
