Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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