im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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