Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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