I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
