Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
