so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
